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Atychiphobia : How I Learned to Dance with Doubt and Find My Courage.
Stuck in the grip of fear? Discover how I turned failure
from a monster under the bed into a wise teacher. Spoiler: It’s messy,
liberating, and totally worth it.
The Night I Almost Let Fear Win
Picture this: It’s 2 a.m., and I’m hunched over my laptop,
glaring at a job application for a role I knew I wanted. I sat there frozen, fingertip barely touching the Laptop, like clicking “submit” might blow everything up. What if they
laugh at my resume? What if I’m exposed as a fraud? That voice in my head didn’t hold back—mocking me with a sharp, “And what makes you think you’re good enough for this?” I closed the tab. Again.
Sound familiar?
Fear of failure isn’t some abstract concept—it’s the voice
that whispers “play small” when your soul screams “leap!” It’s
the reason we ghost our dreams, overthink texts, and binge Netflix instead of
starting that side hustle. But here’s what I’ve learned: Failure isn’t
the enemy. Surrendering to fear is.
Why Failure Feels Like Swallowing Broken Glass
Let’s get raw: Fear of failure isn’t logical. It’s visceral. Here’s why it guts us:
1. Your Brain’s Stuck in 10,000 B.C.
Thanks to evolution, our brains treat failure like a lion attack. That adrenaline rush when you imagine bombing a presentation? Blame your amygdala—it’s trying to “save” you. (Spoiler: No lions here. Just Zoom calls.)
2. We Were Raised on Gold Stars
Remember bringing home a B+ and getting the “Is this your best?” side-eye? A study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found kids scolded for mistakes grow into adults terrified of imperfection. Translation: We learned love was conditional on success. Ouch.
3. Instagram vs. Reality
Scrolling through LinkedIn’s “hustle porn” or TikTok’s overnight success stories? It’s unfair, really—me stacking up all my behind-the-scenes mess against someone else’s polished, public triumphs. I once spent hours crafting a “perfect” post, only to realize… I’d rather eat glass than live that curated lie.
4. Failure Feels Like Identity Theft
BrenĂ© wasn’t wrong—somewhere along the way, we started measuring our value by how often we succeed. Bomb a project? “I’m a failure.” Get rejected? “I’m unlovable.” It’s exhausting.
The Sneaky Ways Fear Sabotages You
Avoiding failure isn’t “safe”—it’s slow suffocation. Here’s what it cost me:
- I Ghosted My Own Life: Skipped networking events (“What if I sound dumb?”), shelved creative projects (“It’s not ready”), and dated emotionally unavailable people (“Safer than rejection!”).
- Perfectionism Became My Prison: I’d rewrite emails 10 times. My “drafts” folder looked like a graveyard of almosts. A University of Calgary study says 45% of procrastinators are just terrified of failing. Guilty.
- My Body Rebelled: Eventually, my body waved the white flag—years of stretching myself thin to please everyone caught up with me in the form of relentless headaches and complete exhaustion. The American Psychological Association wasn’t kidding—fear literally makes us sick.
How I Started Dating Failure (And It Wasn’t a Disaster)
Transforming fear isn’t about “positive vibes only.” It’s
about befriending discomfort. Here’s what worked:
1. I Made a “Failure RĂ©sumĂ©”
Inspired by a Stanford professor, I listed every flop:
rejected articles, cringey presentations, the time I tripped onstage. Seeing
them on paper? Hilarious. Turns out, my worst moments taught me resilience,
humor, and how to pivot.
2. I Threw a “Good Enough” Party
Perfectionism is a joy-sucking vampire. Now, I set “good
enough” deadlines. Published a blog post with a typo? High five! Sent
a pitch that got crickets? Celebrate the courage, not the outcome.
3. I Asked, “What’s the Real Worst-Case?”
Fear whispers, “If you fail, you’ll DIE!” Reality
check: When I bombed a keynote speech, the crowd didn’t riot. They nodded off.
(Note to self: Less jargon, more jokes.)
4. I Found My Failure Tribe
Joined a writer’s group where we share rejection letters
like battle scars. Turns out, everyone’s faking it till they make it. Even that
Instagram guru who seems to have it all? She DMed me: “Girl, I cried in
my car last week.”
5. I Embraced “Glittery Failure”
My new mantra: If I’m gonna fail, do it boldly. Wore sequins
to a corporate meeting. Pitched a wild idea. Got told “no”? At least I
sparkled.
When to Call Reinforcements
Some days, fear still body-slams me. That’s okay. When it’s
too loud, I:
- Therapy: My therapist calls CBT “brain decluttering.” We untangle the “I must be perfect” lies.
- Meditation: The Headspace “Fear of Failure” pack is my go-to. (Bonus: The narrator’s voice could calm a hurricane.)
- Community: The Creative Pep Talk podcast and Reddit’s r/DecidingToBeBetter remind me I’m not alone.
Failure Is Just Practice for Being Brave
J.K. Rowling was a “failure” (her words) before Harry
Potter. Einstein flunked exams. BeyoncĂ©’s first group? Got dropped. What if
they’d quit?
Here’s my challenge to you: Do one thing today that
scares the hell out of you. Send that pitch. Take that class. Ask that
person out.
And when fear screeches, “What if you fail?” Smirk
and say, “Watch me.”
Because the magic? It’s not in never falling. It’s in
learning to love the bruises.
References (Mentioned Naturally):
- Journal
of Experimental Psychology on childhood and failure.
- American
Psychological Association’s research on stress.
- Brené
Brown’s work on worthiness.
- Stanford’s
“Failure RĂ©sumĂ©” concept.
- Headspace
and Creative Pep Talk podcast.